I’m sitting in my kit looking forward to riding in the sunshine, I’ll keep you posted.

I’m just not feeling it. I just bought a pair of size 20 pants and I just cannot seem to force myself to do anything about that. O well, tomorrow is another day.

I went out with the club on Saturday and all I can really say about it is that I did not enjoy 1 single mile of it. 30 miles of misery. Where on earth is the love?

Tomorrow I’m making a doctors appointment, I cannot carry on like this. I will not give up…

I made it out 2 days in a row! Yesterday I rode with the club and was so lazy I just left the bike in the car and chucked my kit in the washer. Bonus result, I met a few friends this morning for a bit ride. I feel good, really tired but good. My thighs are crying at me right now and I have just had a hot bath and put my pyjamas on. A sure sign that I’ve worked hard.

I haven’t felt such cycley love for a good while and I’m both giddy with it and ready for a nap. About 60 miles over 2 day (including my tiny commute). Hard ones but that’s what gets you there eh?

I know some pretty cool people like, it’s much easier when you enjoy the company.

Is a singing dancing shiny bike computer if the darned thing hides just when you need it? ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

not a new song by any stretch but I’m hoping by singing it again something might click and everything will change. I’m struggling. I’m more than struggling with my weight, it’s even going up and not down. I’m battling with a depressive episode, finding people exhausting ( I love people too, that’s the bugger of it).
Now the episode isn’t going to beat me and I should hope neither is the fat bit. I’m really not writing this in the hope of reassurance or platitudes or even a kick up the bum. I’m writing this because I have to. I have to keep plugging away.

I know sometimes I’m viewed as a gob on a stick but it is getting me down and I feel almost powerless to change anything right now. I’ve been this fat before, I understand how hard it is to turn it round and yet I did it once, surely I can do it again?

I never said it was easy, it is simple though. You keep on trying, every day. You eat less crap and move more. I think most people as big as I am have a head problem and not a body problem really. I think I should go see my doctor.

Thanks for listening.

That Simon and I went out riding Sunday morning. We deserved a medal for that as it turns out. It was Frrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeezing and wet and muddy and eurgh. But we braved 15 miles of it. Yesterday morning I got a message on FB from That Simon excusing his poor performance (Ha! what poor performance?) as it transpired he was coming down with flu. I’m sitting here sore throated, headachey and barely holding on to my stomach, as is Mr me and it would appear the Smallest Vag.

So from me to you a big fat cheers That Simon.

Completed her first bike ride. A nice 5 miles broken up into 4. 11 months and couple of days old and I feel soo great now. Hopefully we can get a little bit further each ride until the whole of Northumberland is our oyster. heee, I’m shattered now. That bike is heavy, heavier still with a wobbly pillion.

Find more Bike Ride in Ashington

I don’t quite know how to begin again. How about a short catch up of the last year or so?

I rarely seemed to have the enthusiasm to get out and I got fat. I got fat and I got slow and I lost a lot of my hard won stamina too. Of course on the pay off side I have had lots of fun with my now nearly 1 year old daughter.

I had a few months lately of a bit of a funk mentally, nothing as bad as the bad days before but bad enough that I couldn’t get off the sofa, out of the house, out of the fridge and the problem with that is that exercise helps me get over it but I can’t get off the sofa, out of the house, out of the fridge and onto my bike and on and on….

I do have some pretty fantastic friends you see. First I went to Turbilates once a week with Champion Dan, and then I went out now and again with That Simon (as opposed to my Simon you see) and then a nice friend offered to help me out with the kids so I could go be a cyclist with other cyclists on the Saturday social ride. Result? I’m still fat but I’ve been out a bit and feel like a cyclist again. 40 miles over 2 days isn’t much but it was fun and I feel enthusiastic.

Better still the Smallest Vag got her first bike helmet, Magic Andy, me and a hammer got her child seat on and the nice men at Breeze Bikes managed to sort my uber-rusty, dangerously neglected, no love in 15’000 miles tourer out for us. Tomorrow is our first outing. I am soo excited. I really hope she loves it as much as I do.

I can smell the freedom now.

I’m posting about stuff. Actually I have stuff to say but I needed a boot up my bum.

Well a couple of weeks ago I was feeling distinctly under par, almost at my starting weight (but not size, though it feels like it) and feeling very unfit.

I gave up caffeine. Which was easier than I thought. I’m eating much more cleanly most of the time and I feel better, like I’m starting to turn a corner maybe. I hope so.

Last week I went to the Breeze bikes turbo session and it was a good one. A combination of rotten turbo and core exercises (usually pilates but the instructor was off) and I ached till Friday. Then Saturday I rode, it was a slow day in the slow group admittedly but I felt stronger. Went back to turblates last night and today I don’t feel so achey. Maybe it was the pilates. Who knows.

My scales are broken. Maybe I need some new ones. Maybe.

It’s a frustrating fact that I was fitter the day I gave birth than I am now, 9 months later. Never mind, I’ll just keep on bashing at it eh?

I’m growing em, Bean sprouts. Only not beans, right now I’m attempting to grow green lentil, peas and quinoa sprouts. The green lentils are going well, the peas are going nowhere and I wouldn’t be surprised if the quinoa became beer.

Yes, I’ve not posted. First I mupped up something on the site and got my bum slapped (then a very special cyclist wonderfully fixed it for me ). Oh, no, first I couldn’t seem to do anything because blummin other stuff got in the way. Then I started feeling all crap and carntbearsed and then I started feeling ill.

Now I’m fat again ( my 18′s are nipping ) and I’m not bloody getting any bigger so I decided to start having fun with food again because I’m at heart an all or nothing girl and getting excited about food works for me. I’m contemplating a return to my pre family, pre-marriage veganism. Hence I’m growing sprouts in my cupboard.

My facebook friends are being treat (treated?) to a little sprout growing journal so if you are my Facebook friend thanks for tolerating my boring sproutyness and if you aren’t my Facebook friend why not? Get that fixed pronto wont you?

Here ends this diatribe.

Is redwine vegan?